27th june 2017

Ive always wanted to tell my story.. not because i wanted to people to feel sorry for me. Because not all of it is bad. Ive been so scared to say what has happened and talk about things people have done to me. For fear of upsetting people. Fear of loosing people. Fear of it causing further conflict. to tell the truth. Is all i would like to do. I've had my past twisted in so many directions and interpretations by my family. I think maybe i will sound bitter, and i hate to say it but ive been fighting my past for so long. I thing the thing that i find hard the most is that i was abused and i still dont dare say or think it. My psychologist says that ive normalised abusive behaviour. I fear that theres so much over use of the word abuse and bullying that when it isnt in your face and obvious bullying it doesn't count. If i say it enough or ask enough people it wont be abuse. I recently did a domestic abuse course and i literally ticked every box. Just because its not been smacked about and sexually assaulted. Things like being put down. Bullied. Abandoned. Feel unsafe. Forced to do things not with physical force but doing those things out of fear. Also not allowed to do certain things that are within our basic human rights.... 

I didn't want to tell my story. In case i get critised or argued with. Or even hated. I recently spoke my political views on the Internet. ... im very new to technology and the Internet.  Who knew people got so personal if you have a certain view and belief your trolled off the interenet. Even i dont understand politics truely its such propaganda and who knows whos got all the facts or whos telling the truth dare i say im not a fan of the current uk government and you literally get told your deluded or have no braim for even questioning the current tory manifesto.