• gca037



The ball point is ... is that starts and finishes with every word and action, conversation, every facial expressions, the way you walk, conversation topics, every movement is scrutised or judged on a mental health ward. (Now i'm not saying it shouldn't be. It just has some strange outcomes. 

Your whole life is under a microscope.

Quote megan.

'I really looked the part, i had an ant crawling on my face and blue hair'

Context. . We were having ant issues in our old ward (not that some staff believed us, Even though, some staff sprayed ant spray everywhere.)

Event: Megan had blue streaks in here hair and one morning woke up with an ant crawling on her face. 

Megan was hilarious with her self depreciating humour. 

Me and bank staff. Who without looking at my medical notes thought i was suffering symptoms of pyschosis (for those of you that dont know its imagining hearing seeing things that arnt there something ive never suffered with) i was in the ward for panic attacks and depression.

'Ants in our room next i thought the banging and scratching noises of pipes was mice', laughs 'ants and then i thought mice'.

Bank Staff who hadnt done any shifts recently nor seen the ants literally everywhere.

'Ants im afraid there aren't any ants my love,  you are imagining it it. When you get better you wont see any ants'

Mental health nurse quote

'Actually we do have an ant issue, its not uncommon with the heat and patients but food in there bins'

  if you say you'd like a conversation to be NOT documented or confidential even between a nurse or doctor they either lie and say 'NO of course i wont mention it ' later to find out because you wrote something down on paper when trying to describe something to a therapist this is a sign you need tablets. Even when they promise they will only mention the coversation if its safeguarding. When it isnt safe guarding the still scrutise everything you say and then still say everything you say even the way you speak as everything say comes up again but totally is misinterpreted or perhaps you have a daft convo about something and ask for it not to be recorded and they say they have to write up every single thing. ( some of the more honest staff).

So things that have got me red card. For example, given medication, sent to my room, told not to do, or told o must do,told that i am cold towards my children and that i need to improve my parentig skills as well as improve my ability to follow instructions. 

Guests who come before last visiting times at 8.30. (Yet other patients have there visitors till ten).quote ' just tell them not to stay long or that they can't come in' yep sure thats easy for me to turn my friends away because it doesnt suit you.

Yesterday morning i got a grilling . Out of the many very specific fridges i use 'patient'and 'baby fridge' i put baby food in the patient fridge (i wont be doing that again as it got pulled out and staff raised there voice to me). Also even though it had a date and time snd used by date and name on staff were going to throw it away and said i need to stop leave bowls everwhere. Even though i was just talking about how dyslexia affects my dis organisation with someone else.

Breast feeding too much and not taking there suggestions on board by giving a dummy to baby. After being told several times to bring one in or buy one from tesco For five month baby who barely cries, has never accepted a dummy and 'comforts before bed' and in there opinion cant possibly be getting milk.. You are told you putting boarders up and not working with staff.

Every day im here i get pulled up alot for talking too much too staff. Sometimes i get sent to my room. And sometimes even worse when i say i dont want medication because i talk slot to different staff about a traumatic experience it must be my illness and need medication ( his is all according to staff. 

 Having a conversation that too one staff we are laughing and joyful then another staff says i need to be not having this conversation write now.

Inappropriate subject matter. One particular discussion lead for some strong words. I did get on very well with one particular kitchen staff he used too write me chinese word and talk to me about food and try and teach me words. We got pulled up as hes kitchen staff and im a patient and exchanging words is not encourged. I got him in a lots of trouble when he was tellling me about his family. It slipped out infront of another member of staff that his son died. The other staff told him he cannot tell me this and since then he barely speaks to me hes seemily to busy to write down chinese.

Inappropriate joking. When there are nhs design faults. The hand soap dispensers were on the floor and so was the toliet roll. I joked that it was so hard (which it was for three days) to use the soap to wash hands. I no word of a lie quote said jokingly 'I bet people just give up trying to use soap " i then did a funny impression of my self trying to get loo roll and wash my hands.  My report said that in this particular day and time i was overly conserned about the hygiene of staff members and lact trust.

Finally tonight. I got sent back to my room for wanting to get some water at midnight. .. the staff had to get it for me as the lights are very simtimilating. Probs didnt help i had spot cream on

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