• gca037

Be not afraid


Before you read this blog. I'd like you to watch . 'best speech you will ever hear' by Gary yourofsky


inspired by a certain conversation about a certain group of people. no one i've ever met, but a friend was telling me in their christian circles.. there is shame in mental health. I said i would happily speak to them about my experiences. But it relates so much to me. I speak and i'm already apologising.

the themes of this blog.




Current mind set.

After fear of making a noise, scared of how being me, makes you feel, well I just cant keep saying sorry. Its a habit apologising for who I am.

unfortunately It starts with how you look, and actually the fact that looks have absolutely nothing to do with who you are as they can always be interpreted in different ways to different people. you might think you represent what you like by having tattoos or wearing a certain brand or style. but the tattoos or style might mean nothing to someone else. they might not even think you dress well after all the effort you make.

so you next? how you speak where your from, your education, your gender. your tattoos. looking after your self. I haven't shaved my armpits in two months... why should i apologies for having hair that grows there :p. because i'm a women. It always ends with what your believe in. we cant discuss too much what we believe in? why?

From religion, to vegan, to whether mental health exists or is it just a state of mind. whatever it is we 'shouldn't talk to much about it'.

side note *

some people in my family don't believe in tablets for mental health.. well i can tell you my whole world and other people on wards changed when they took tablets. could it be a placebo... ?

not there personality but maybe just there thought process slowed down or they found things a bit easier. Its like a belief in god... with mental health you only see peoples actions.. you don't see what causes it. you can't measure brain chemicals.. or can you .. i guess thats what my doctors said. I think that people think science explains everything... and some people dont believe in science

I don't want to not speak out, I don't want to loose my voice (little mermaid) I don't want to bully anyone. I don't want to HIDE who i am, I don't want to feel ashamed. so frown on me.

so i realise after my last blog. back track a bit. I was ashamed. i was apologising for eating meat in the past to one who said i was a hypocrite and I was personally apologising to the world that i was not doing enough. I was trying not to sound like a NEW vegan .a trend a phase a hypocrite? anyway. I didn't want to seem like I judged anyone else for there choices. As I have friends and will be friends without discriminating. that do all sorts of things i don't agree with. One of my ideas for a blog was to fight discrimination all forms.. but on with the mental health battle.

One of my close friends said, most vegans are... opinionated and want everyone to be like them.

well i didn't want to seem like a bully. but you know what i'm not i literally got bullied for 9 years as a child and it mainly started by trying to stop other people from being bullied. but yes i was ashamed of getting bullied. I thought if i told people as an adult i got hit and called names on a daily basis they too wouldn't like me as they thought i was inadequate. But as i've learnt today... let them frown on me for being bullied, having mental health issues. Heck. call me crazy. call me opinionated. call me what you will and in fact i'd love you to frown on me.

SO i died my hair bright blonde after years of playing it safe being natural. not offending anyone with my looks. so people have said... your hairs well 'interesting' and given me strange looks. well i did it for me.. and i know people say that.. and i never used to believe them i thought they were attention seeking. but you know what i actually wanted to try something knew i admire different. in fact I love different. I love people who are bold and not ashamed and heck i want to be one. I always have.

so i realise.. looking back at my dads wedding speech 2 months ago. literally have always cared about animals. my dads wedding speech started off about my love of nature and the environment as a child... so maybe i got lost along the way but its always been in me. So i need to be proud of that fact and not let anyone make me hide.

So why let them frown on me?

so we were talking about how mental health is frowned upon in certain circles. for a certain someone its circles of church goers that think that if you suffer with mental health your not relaying on god enough. It doesn't matter who you are, or what you believe, you yourself might not like the idea of mental health.. well thats fine.. you don't have to love it. the idea is to be open to the idea that people do suffer with it.

So i beg to differ. to those people that blame you for feeling depressed. what about people who haven't found god yet? ( if its a christian answer) or what about when your told by doctors, health proffesionals, your parents ... its drilled into you that you are mentally ill. even as a child. your mentally ill, we need to ring a doctor. When i used to have really bad panic attacks.. no I did not choose to have them and yes i tried everything your about to suggest. its called taking the blame and the fault away.

So theres medication.. for years and years i was a big advocate of medication I took tablets for 11 years. I started a blog on mental health and i'm not sorry for what I wrote about how I felt, depressed anxious. Why suffer in silence. I think we forget that people were and STILL get imprisoned for being mentally ill. maybe they can't be in society, who knows. I just know that some people i met on the ward... saw god and got sectioned. not me as i didn't tell them i felt gods presence. Anyway. people have been wrongly treated because of mental health.. look at Dumbos mum.. she was protecting her child and got put in a box for dangerous mad elephant. mental health is everywhere you just have to look. so frown on me yes. but don't imprision me. hurt me, or even ... for my mental illness.

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