• gca037

Not wanting to be here

Lately ive felt so so low. It feels like every morning when i get up at five its getting worse. I dont no if its because im up all night. But ive started self harming again. Just because i dont no what to do with myself. I just feel like the only thing thats keeping me on the planet is my children. Today i went for a walk at five am and i wasnt sure what to do. I feel so lost. Like i want to go somewhere else. Like i need to be where someone will just take me and the kids in. I just feel so sad. Like ive got noone. And i dont no where to go. Im just so tired and i want someone to help. Just let me sleep. Get myself a shower or a bath on my own. 

The thing is im so lucky really. I must look okay on the outside but im crumbling on the inside. I feel like my husband doesnt love me any more. We argue all the time. Its all my fault really im sure. 

I feel like how can i be so low when i have such beautiful kids. But its me. Im just so tired i cant function i just cry. Some days recently ive cried on and off through out the day. 

I feel so extreme some times. Who ever says cutting your legs is for attention there really wrong. Especially when noone sees my legs. Its more that if killing your self was that easy you would of done it by now a million times over. When your in that moment and your too frikin confused whether to over dose. The nearest and easiest thing is just to feel pain. I know this is all quite dark. But im not even sure anyone reads my blog so to me this is like my own little diary. Where i can talk to myself. And my daughters awake so end of blog for now x

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