• gca037

Mental health help during covid-19

Updated: Dec 26, 2020

Hey so i thought I'd do something productive during covid-19. My experience does not exactly give me the answers to fixing myself or I wouldn't be spending some of my days low. But I'm still here and still healthy so I guess even though I struggle to feel like it, im doing okay.

Find a positive meaning in films and music (try and watch positive films and not to many sad angry songs) unless we really want to)

Stop controlling everything easier said than done. No prefect house, no perfect garden, no saying no to dealing with this in the perfect way.

Try and be nice but don't try to hard. Don't lose focus when your doing tasks like the pots or washing. Believe me it leads to barbecue smelling clothes, stuff staying into the washer for days. Two pots done. It feels really bad to not have finished one task. And yet if your like me you will set yourself at least 59 tasks a day so please if doing one and doing it really well will make you happier than failing 59 times. That's the blow I face everyday.

Home school bullshit were not teachers hell teachers arnt even naturally teachers, mostly there people that are paid put with kids because they drive us mad or we have to work. So don't feel bad for them driving you mad. Tell a friend and I'm sure they will feel the same.

This isn't home Ed time. This is have fun because noone is expecting you, pressuring you. Your child won't be behind. Hell there isn't mature students for nothing. Not to say that you'll fail and they have to go to uni when there 49 but I mean that learning i a never end experience and it certainly doesnt start when your child is unhappy. The children who succeed in life usually are the ones with wild imaginations who played with nature as children who are practical pragmatic and confident. Not like I was forced to sit till I cried by my teacher parent, forced to feel silly and forced to be quiet. So let them drag you into a game you find silly. There imagination needs to go on this important journey so it can learn and not jut be a commodity to society but learn ones on value and interests and flourish at that

You can't quantify learning we arnt computers this isn't input out put. To really understand something and also you might think what the education minster says is important right now is pretty outdated so really if your like my 70 year old father in law and the Rs are important to you then that's up to you. But it's pretty annoying as one of them is a W anyway.

For me how can we teach or kids how to read write and do maths if we ourselves are struggling to be happy and put good into the world. The most important thing I learnt. After uni. Its a big world. And unless you've seen how certain parts live in ignorant bliss and other parts live not so blissfully we know that the western education system hasn't got it exactly correct. Mostly I'm only just learning at 31. Having got a*aabcccccdd at gcse, ccc a level and 2.2 at degree. That actually what I'm learning now would most likely get me alot higher grades at gcse because I'm interested in it and engaged in it. The environment is such a large and wonderful place to learn there is so much science in plants there are actual plant scientists there's a whole bunch of science about bugs, some wonderful sceintist that actually geoscience who fight plastics. Learning never stops if anything it has started with me and I some days feel like I know nothing when I'm having to pollinate my own strawberries me and my little girl sit with out makeup brush getting the male part into the female part because of the lack of pollinaters (Not honey bees) there are thousands of types bees, and butterflies and the honey bee is profitable and mass breed its the wild bees we must think about)

1. Fight the guilt

Having mental health issues has taught me, that I will usually feel guilty.

Guilty for surving when others don't. Guilty for not working in the NHS and doing some heroic thing. Guilty for being generally down. I can name at least 15 things I feel bad about and most revolve around people. My old boss I never contacted when he was ill, my friends abroad I've not contacted my dad who I've cut out my friend who died. Then there's the guilt about how I didn't act myself when my neighbour asked me to let me daughter play with her son during the outbreak I wanted to say know but when I'm around other people I just say yes I dont even think can't think my mind freezes. It's very odd but I can't say no to certain people. I suppose my boundaries where constantly broken as a child and teenager and well most of my life I was told to ignore how I felt so now when I do feel anything it's hard to know what that is.

Solutions. Try and say no, this is our excuse to be introverts not feel guilty indulge on a few films. Play games act like kids, dance around nobody is watching finally no pressure to socialise. If we have nothing to do instead of looking for things to do that make us miserable have fun (don't spend your time fitting in) doing what everyone else is doing. If I am to get ill again I'll probably feel guilty because I wasted my self feeling sad, crying but everyday I try not to be sad try to be happy I'm adding pressure. That whole it's ruined., pressure I'm allowed to make mistakes (being down) to me is feeling like I've gone back fifty steps.

Or at least temporary thoughts to help solve this. We didn't choose mental health issues and it's who we are it's not something we can switch on and off. It's about fighting your mind every day. Every time your mind says give up, throw something good in the bin even when it tells you not to be good do the opposite

When we're watching a film or listening to a song. Try and find a good message in this and try and stick to it. I watch alot of kids films having kids and zootropolist rains true for me I'm a bit of a mix between the bunny and the fox and probably the bad lamb. Some bad things have happened and because my mind can't discriminate who's bad I think I assume that I can't trust anyone, and sometimes I do but alot of bitterness out in the world. It's more I think about how people haven't trusted me or believed me believed in me. So I assume they never will I'm hell bent on proving I'm right. So I'm loosing the message. I've watched some positive films and tried to apply them to my life. Although I think by calling out the bad and micromanaging is good I actually am quite bitter and I guess it's lead by example with alot of things and this can get quite lost. I mean if I try and be happy and zero waste and vegan then I'm still trying to get other people to be like me. Call me selfish trying to save the planet from microplastics, more whales from dying, and pigs from treated badly. I'm missing the point. I'm trying to make people like me because I think it solves the worlds issues. Yet in my own life I'm not happy, I don't like where I live, I don't go outside enough, I haven't made my house a home, I don't look after my own needs in terms of eating drinking, tidying, cleaning. Which are all essential to my own happiness. I also can not put out the best of me into my home or my relationship, not just because my personal needs are being met. It's because I'm holding grudges, I'm angry, I'm annoyed. It doesn't mean that I should not be angry or you should not be angry. But it's that angry has become is starting to become me. I'm becoming very similar to those who have been angry towarda me. Essentially the dark has gotten me. It must have taken alot of things for angry and hate to manifest this way inside me. I thought I could brush off my past by talking about it, but people still treat me this way and because of my past I've been talk to nod and smile in the face of everyone I'm always different and always struggling to know what to do or say. Second guessing etc etc.

I feel guilty for so so many things, losing contact with people, forgetting to message people. I often feel like I'm useless, I've ruined something. Surprisingly when people say stop that, why, what's wrong.... It doesn't help me. I need practical support, and affection and encouraging words most people can't give

I also need to fight myself. So things like now my battery only has 10 percent and its 11.45 I'm finally using those self sabbataging skills for good. I'm letting my phone die and switching off. Limiting technology can prevent headaches, make us do more, go out more, live more and although the Internet is being encouraged more and more now socially for me personally I can't be on my phone 24/7. It can make me seriously unwell mentally an physically. It can also make some serious dents in my wallet. My paranoia often leads to excess spending, air filters water filters, ethical organic clothes you name it.

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